Unconventionalitismnessity.

chelseaalltogether:

bringtheruckuss:

old crow medicine show - the silver dagger

ocms<3

Ditto.

songjournal:

Andrew Jackson Jihad - “Olde(y) Tyme(y)”

I don’t have a drinking problem
I don’t have a drinking solution
I don’t think I ever learned to think

Since I missed yesterday’s post, you guys get two today. I’m feeling a little low-key, so you get two acoustic-based songs.

Like every year, I listened to a lot of new music. I try to take in as much as I can, because I like excess, which is probably my biggest fault. I was actually talking earlier today with a friend (ironically about what makes me drawn to a video game) and I realized that I don’t understand the difference between something that’s addictive and something that’s fun, and that’s something that’s been a theme through my whole life with very few exceptions. I’ve listened to nearly 300 albums that were released this year, and that’s a large step down from last year. In my mind, I’m cooling out. And that’s to say nothing about my various other long-running addictions to a variety of substances. I’ve been smoking since I was 13, and I don’t have any desire to stop. I drink constantly and to excess. It takes a certain mentality to do heroin, an even more particular one to develop an addiction, and I won’t even get into how skewed someone’s thought process has to be for them to develop a heroin addiction at 14 and continue with it for a subsequent four years. By whatever grace of God, I am of that disposition, and I think a large part of it is my inability to draw the line between fun and addiction, and like Sean Bonnette sings in “Olde(y) Tyme(y)”, “I don’t think I ever learned to think.”

I’ve listened to Can’t Maintain a hell of a lot since June when it leaked, and it’ll likely break into my top ten for the year. I love the faux-Dixieland sound on this song, and Sean Bonnette is truly one of my favorite lyricists in the world. The way he talks about sometimes wanting to die without sounding suicidal is a lot like how I feel a lot of times. I don’t want to kill myself, but “if the bridge that I was driving over collapsed while I was driving over it, that may not be such a bad thing.” Sometimes I hope I get hit by a car when I cross the street, and sometimes I hope the N Train goes off the rails and everyone on it dies in a mangled wreck of steel and tunnel rats and brain matter.

Maybe that means there’s something wrong with me, but - hackneyed as it is - at least I’m not the only one. I’m never satisfied with what I do, and I don’t usually think I have any common sense whatsoever. I hurt people and I hurt myself and I do all of the things I hate about society every day, but I have things in my life that are affirming, and that helps. I’ve made a lot of mistakes (ok, it’s pretty much all been mistakes), but I’m learning to find my own way, and I’m learning what really makes me happy, and I’m learning how to take care of myself so that I can do those things that make me happy.

When you’re in a world surrounded by people who have their shit together and aren’t crazy and don’t drink too much and have career plans and are just waiting and preparing for that imaginary person who’s going to come along and make their life truly worth living, it’s hard to keep your head on right. Maybe it’s me being confused and choosing short-term pleasure and long-term pain (something my dad always said), but I like to think I’ve found what makes me happy. And as much as it pisses me off that the thing that makes me happy and that I’m good at is going to leave me destitute and starving; I wouldn’t rather have a career path or be sucking dick in some corporate office in hopes of one day being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, because who the fuck wants to be a fucking business man for the rest of their lives?

=]